The Unsaid

Transformation is hard. First, who said we needed to transform, evolve, and grow? I know, after all, I am a transformational coach, and as I blog my doubts out, I wonder: What do women want, and why don’t they go out and do it? Put another way, what keeps us from making bold decisions as we grow older? What keeps us from growing intentionally?

I want to speak about doubts and decisions, fear and strength, simplicity, and the extraordinary. As I have grown older and decisions have become more impactful, I ask myself: What makes decision-making so difficult?

Depending on our environment, some of us are conditioned to pursue safety, thinking that safety will bring us happiness and fulfillment. Undoubtedly, safety is nearly at the base of Maslow’s hierarchy, right after physiological needs, but what about the rest of the stages on Maslow’s pyramid? Why are we stuck on the primary needs and have put self-realization on a pedestal that we don’t even talk about, satanizing it as conversations grow deeper and excluding all women who even dare to ask: Is there more for me?

The journey I embarked on 6 years ago started with a desire, one I am confident more of us have but have become accustomed to ignoring. While on the safety accomplishment, we start sleeping on our dreams, vegetating on our passions, and believing that serving others’ purpose in life hopefully will get us to the top. One day, though, we awaken to what seems like a nightmare that someone else has scripted, and we find ourselves living not our own life but everyone else’s.

That’s when it hit me. I started writing because I couldn’t speak out of fear of being judged, labeled, or committed to a clinic for the derailed. It was my fear; no one ever told me anything. I had created a prison of my own, punishing myself for every lousy decision I’ve ever made and fearing more of them.

The desire for more is embedded in our core; we are meant to grow and never stop. Nonetheless, we don’t pause to think, we believe we have no right to raise our voices and have no strength to question, and we end up making ourselves busy enough that we can’t think, take another lane; or have a thoughtful conversation.

The hamster wheel of life is a beautiful trap; we think we are going somewhere and end up in the same places at the same pace as everybody else, and then we all wonder: when did I become so anxious, short tempered, dull, and complacent? It all happened while we were trapped on the safety wheel.

There are not enough voices out there rooting for us to be bold, to play big, to stretch out of our comfort zone, and not enough voices reminding us of self-realization. Why is that? Why is everyone so scared? Don’t get me wrong, fear keeps us safe from danger, but not enough people are reminding us that handling fear is where we grow. Just like learning to walk, read, work, be a mom, boss, or entrepreneur. We all love the stories, but why don’t they inspire us enough to go out and do the same?

I am on a mission to discover the primal fear in women — is it the loss of safety? Or do we subconsciously think we don’t deserve the glory of an extraordinary life? Whatever side of the stretch you find yourself right now, I want to tell you, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU DESERVE to be extraordinary, happy, and fulfilled. Keep scaling the pyramid; I promise we will all get there. And when it gets hard, I will be here to give you a pull, ’cause, girl, we are going up!